mitski ~~

oops i love her songs, and i will explain why....

"And you'd say you love me and look in my eyes / but I know through mine, you were looking in yours.” — Last Words of a Shooting Star, Mitski

Today I am taking a turn from my usual stream of consciousness about things that have been on my mind and am going to write about something that means very much to me, the music of Mitski. Being a queer 20-something with a tumultuous mental health history, it may come as no surprise that, at various points of my life, Mitski has had me at metaphorical gunpoint, threatening to off me into another dimension with just a single lyric. I’m going to be taking a deep dive into five of my favorite songs of hers, illustrating why and how these songs have been splinters in my hearts, the stitches of those wounds, and the nurse asking me if I need another pudding cup as I lay in bed to heal, all at the same time.

Brand New City

I moved to New York in March of 2019, (what I believed to be) escaping the ho-hum hubbub of central Indiana for a Brand New Life in a Brand New City. At times, I wish I had listened to this song a little bit closer, because then I might have realized that these words describe anything but evading the present situations in your life; instead, they cry out with an epiphany, that wherever you go, there you are.

I believe she was ahead of the times with this one, as the first verse is a zeitgeist of the general mood of, dare I say, all of us, describing the eternal woes of time passing and brain degradation, both of which feel more relevant than ever. She expresses a fascination with youth and beauty (But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn’t know how to be alive) that seems to represent the thoughts of anyone with an instagram account and the sickened hopes of becoming an influencer. The chorus screams out “Honey, what’d you take, what’d you take / Honey, look at me” which, if anything, is a critical internal dialogue between who she is and who she wants to be. Why do any of us take what we take! Does it help us! Who cares!

Absolutely recommend this song if you’re on a sad walk and wanna feel angry and powerful and scary, simply because you have no clue what the fuck you’re doing so everyone better WATCH OUT.

Bag of Bones

To be frank, all I can really remember of 2017 is laying in my bed, clothes strewn all around, ceiling fan spinning above as if it were a church’s eternal lamp, and listening to this song until I could feel the notes carve into my own bag of bones. There has been periods in my life where I deeply resonated with every single word she says in this song about allowing her body to be used in the hopes that something more comes from it, whether it’s artistic inspiration or love or just the vigor to finally clean her room. It screams of willful independence, begging the “pretty boy” in the song to leave before a new day starts, to “just do what [he] came here to do.” It isn’t easy to admit to we all have monstrous parts inside us, and yet she does it so earnestly. Not only that, but in the outro, she pairs her self-description of “beast” with what seems like a total opposite: poet. Are we all as personally juxtaposed as she believes she is? I think yes.

Moving on from the lyrics, the sonic character of this song is something that stuck with me from the first time I listened to it. There isn’t a single space where a dominant chord isn’t immediately confronted with its augmented counterpart, creating such a gloom tonality that just makes you wanna cry, scream, hug, and laugh, all while the hairs on the back of your neck are taller than they have ever been.

I recommend this if you’re about to take a long shower and wanna cry, you just got dumped by your Sex Friend after admitting you caught feelings (rip), or, like me, you just took an edible and are about to see Lady Bird but have a few minutes to spare in the car with your friend, just long enough to sing this a cappella in preparation for the emotion you are about to experience. (Yes I am a 26 year old white gay man with a complicated relationship with my parents, it is what it is.)

Townie

Well Jesus Christ, I want to be in love!!!! My Scorpio Venus tingles at the mention of feeling “a love that falls as fast as a body from the balcony” and “a kiss like my heart is hitting the ground.” Talk about drama. With a sniper’s aim, she exemplifies this feeling of wanting more, but having no clue what that should or can look like, or if it is even possible. Every day, I wake up hoping that something, anything, happens today that will change my life, and every day I’m left to feel like a soldier’s wife who is forced to be alone by powers outside her own (so much military analogy, oops.)

It seems as if she is running away from her fate (I’m not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be), hoping that something will save her from herself, a common theme in her music. This plea for that ever-elusive “more” shifts into a request and then a demand as the song progresses, her certainty that what she wants will come as long as she doesn’t become what others want her to be. Talk about relatable! Once again, she describes being used by boys, almost as a sort of time-filler until “change change change is gonna come, but when when when?” I regretfully passed over this song the first time I listened, but since falling back into a Mitski obsession these past few weeks, it’s hit hard and fast and close to home (my heart.)

I recommend this song if you are in the mood to throw shit around or stomp down the sidewalk on the way home from getting your little coffee or bagel. Or, it would probably be a great listen after an intense journaling session about your unrequited crush (you know the ones.)

My Body’s Made of Crushed Little Stars

Ha!!! This song is, as they say, a fucking MOOD. The song opens with a grungey, rusty guitar leading into the lyrics “I’m not doing anything, my body’s made of crushed little stars, and I’m not doing anything.” Every single lines feels like an internal monologue I know I have had with myself, especially during These Insane Times We Are Living Through. It’s legitimately humorous thinking about how we are, truly, made of stardust, and yet I have been laying in my bed for 10+ hours everyday, sitting and waiting for God’s Omnipresent Hand to come down and grant me three wishes or give me $1 million or at least remind me that time is indeed a flat circle and as long as you keep giving, you will keep getting. I’ll take ANYTHING at this point!!!

She is basically yelling this entire song as if she’s a hired funeral wailer for herself, mourning things that haven’t happened yet with such fervor, it’s like she doesn’t want them to happen at all (I better ace that interview, I should tell them I’m not afraid to die, I better ace that interview.) All this to say, this fucking slaps. I recommend it if you have given in to the absurdity of the universe and want to feel in control of being out of control. Or if you just wanna yell with someone else a la Midsommer.

Two Slow Dancers

Of all the songs I chose, this is the calmest and most melancholy by far. The sentimentality it elucidates creates such a warm and familiar sound, like something you would hear during the senior prom’s slow dance. It’s easy to say that she’s obviously singing it to someone she loved from the past, but most of me wants to believe she’s singing it to herself. Obvi that is through my perspective, seeing as I don’t connect with the concept of a high school love (<3 being closeted), but I’m serious! It’s a love song and breakup letter, both greeting and signed by herself. She questions aging at the purpose of it, saying, “It would be a hundred times easier / if we were young again / but as it is / and it is,” proclaiming to herself and/or the heavens that time just makes things harder, and that’s that. The inevitable change that comes from the erosion time gnaws into our skin and bones and minds causes everything to be different, but would it be so wrong to imagine if that didn’t happen? To imagine what could have been? I don’t think so, and I don’t think she does either.

I recommend this song for nights when your only plans are take a bath, smoke a j, light a candle, and stare at the ceiling. There’s a mellow rosy quality to it that won’t ruin your mood, but just a large enough tinge of regret and dwelling that you will, quite possibly, feel alive.

I love Mitski and her music. The second day I moved to NYC, I saw her in a coffeeshop and was able to whisper to her that I loved her music (to which she matched with a “Hey! Thanks.”) I hope this gives you some further insight into why I love her songs and why, maybe, you might love them too. But forreal, if you’re in a good place right now (who is?) but if you are, maybe take a break before diving in. I’m not your mom though, so do what you want :) xoxo